October 12, Day 58

photo-26As posted on Snax and Sex and the City: “23 Things I Learned in my 23rd Year”

In a few days, I turn 24. I’m not sure how to feel. I don’t think of 24 as a particularly distinctive age, but maybe that’s because I’m not wowed by even numbers in general, especially ones that can be split so many different ways (in half, in six, in eight…). They seem at once bland and untrustworthy.

I don’t know what 24 will be like. If 23 is any indication, it will be messy. There will be sandwiches; there will be losses. There will be hot dogs; there will be victories. There will be disappointments, ketchup stains, lessons learned, dogs petted, hangovers, tears, boxed wine, and regrets.

I’m not so scared of regrets anymore. I look back on 23 and, weirdly, don’t feel any regret. I really should, though. I made mistakes pretty much nonstop.

When I look back on 23, the first thing I do is vomit, because I can’t believe how quickly the year passed. Ok, cleaned up the vomit. The second thing I do is engage in some introspection. Join me now as I reflect on the 23 things I’ve learned in my 23rd year.

  1. I am a fundamentally sloppy human, inside and out. This is just fine.
  2. There is literally no problem in this world that can’t be solved by hugging a good-natured pug.
  3. A Diet Coke every day really adds up, finance-wise.
  4. A half-shaved head is a well-ventilated head.
  5. People who don’t respect what you do or your time or your face or your sexy bod ARE NOT worth your energies.
  6. Waking up not hungover on a Saturday is one of the most beautiful feelings.
  7. I was really invested in Hillary Duff’s marriage, way more than I knew. That’s why its dissolution felt so awful.
  8. Tinder is not the place for me to thrive/grow.
  9. Sushi filled with eggs and ribs tastes RULL good.
  10. Once I accepted that Night Breakfast was just a thing I do, not a disease, I felt way less guilt about it.
  11. I am probably not cut out for journalism.
  12. I am probably not cut out for grad school.
  13. I am probably not cut out for earning a real human living.
  14. Broad City is the most incredible new show on television.
  15. I’m not a monster for following all of the Kardashians on Instagram. It’s who I am at my core.
  16. I like white wine more than red wine, and that doesn’t mean I’m unsophisticated. I’m unsophisticated for other reasons.
  17. Jennifer Lopez is incapable of aging.
  18. Pink Himalayan sea salt enhances EVERYTHING.
  19. I tend to not learn that many lessons, in general. That’s why I’m having so much trouble right now. Getting down to the wire!
  20. If I want to eat dinner at 3:30 pm, I can eat dinner at 3:30 pm. I am an adult and there are no rules except my heart.
  21. The Brittany Murphy Story is a movie as atrocious as it is despicable.
  22. Doing a couple of squats every day has totally transformed by butt.
  23. All I can do in this crazy cruel world is what I love. The end.

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